Monty and Morgion 154: No, Your Mom's a Squirt Gun

06Jan06 (Monthenor): And that's everything that really needs to be said about Shadow the Hedgehog. I've never gotten into the Sonic series, but I can at least admire the original games for their design. Shadow is just really really bad. Really bad. Holy god, is it bad. I like to play through games to see their ending before I pass a final judgement, but every time I swore at the game Morgion would ask me why I was still playing. I didn't have an answer for him.

Especially not when, sitting right next to the envelope for Shadow, there was an envelope with Dragon Quest 8. You remember that period of some months where I went absolutely apeshit for Dark Cloud 2? Yeah, okay, so take the developers who made that (Level 5) and hand them the license to the biggest RPG series in Japan, Dragon Quest. What was true of DC2 is true of DQ8: the game radiates this palpable sense of joy, of whimsy, that I find irresistable. Some of the first enemies you meet are Candy Cats, lovable little kitties that like to skip their attack phase in favor of purring or rolling on their side. And then you meet enemies that make you dance.

All the hallmarks of Level 5 are there: beautiful cel-shaded graphics, a soundtrack by turns bouncy and majestic, an invention system, and superb voice acting. The voice acting deserves special mention as it is so wonderfully British throughout. British redheaded sorceress carrying a whip == love!

It's also completely a Dragon Quest game, which most of us probably remember as "Dragon Warrior" or "that free game from Nintendo Power". Not much has changed in twenty years in that the game is based entirely around menus and making your numbers bigger than that of your enemies. I happen to like making my numbers bigger, but I understand the criticism. This game also posed a unique problem for me, as the prevalence of Dragon Quest's mascot character, the Slime, clashes with choices. My early levels were slow going, as I had to subsist entirely on Candy Cats and the occasional Satyr while fleeing any battle that contained Slimes. Once I hit level 4 I was large enough to intimidate the Slimes away, and the game opened up and spread its rich bounty before me. I'm now thirty hours in and still haven't killed a single Slime.

I probably won't buy this, just power through on the Gamefly rental, but I eagerly await Level 5's next game. From what I've read, you play as some sort of Space Pirate Henry Ford. My head asplode!!

06Jan06 (Monthenor): Hey, I guess I haven't been to Uncyclopedia for a while. What say I make a new article and make fun of Morgion at the same time? Okay!