Monty and Morgion 112: Munchkinland

20Nov04 (Monthenor): Long time no see! So how was my trip to New Jersey, you didn't ask?

Saturday 13Nov04 - Other people have fun stories about how airlines lose their baggage or they get delayed or blow up in a horrible fireball, but air travel has always been boring for me. My aggressively cheap nature keeps me on budget air carriers in the middle of the week, which means short lines and lots of empty seats that aren't full of annoying people. Thus the actual travel portion of my travelogue is woefully uninteresting.

After I got to New Jersey Pezchik and I procured booze and what we hoped was anime porn (look, she's ripping off her shirt!). A few of her friends were coming over to play Apples to Apples, drink, and watch cheesy animated soft/hardcore. Two out of three ain't bad. We played AtoA, and dear lord there was drinking, but the anime turned out to be tame teases.

Not that anyone was watching the anime. After AtoA, somebody brought out Munchkin-- the subject of our above comic. More specifically, the comic refers to the early moment of the game where crucial alliances were forged, an epic struggle I like to call the Battle of Tut. The fact that King Tut was involved is only incidental, as his appearance set off a chain reaction of Curses and Equipment and backstabbing and failed diplomacy that polarized the game board except for the two people who wisely sat out. The animosity arising from this single battle lasted until we could identify clearly that certain would win if they were not which point all alliances dissolved in a frenzy of double-dealing. It was an awesome game.

What was NOT awesome was Pezchik's dog, Doily. We hadn't settled into bed for a full minute when there was a scary cracking, chewing noise. What happened was that, as soon as the lights went out, Doily nosed into an open pocket of my duffel bag, removed my toothbrush, and savaged it like a little mouse. Toothpaste is like catnip for dogs, but the surgical precision and incanine speed with which Doily wrecked my precious free-from-dentist toothbrush frightened me.

Sunday 14Nov04 - After waking up around noon, Pezchik took me into Philly for some historical sightseeing. This sounds educational but really wasn't. Between my walking pace and the dearth of actual history, we were done in about two hours, including cheesesteak. All you history buffs sit down. I'm sure that, from a certain viewpoint, Philadelphia is full of historical stuff for me to see and do. However, when you discount all points of interest that involve a founding father merely sleeping/eating/working there, you end up with the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. Also, these two things are right next to each other. I can be edified and outta there in fifteen minutes, suckas. The cheesesteak was good too.

Monday 15Nov04 - Pezchik couldn't very well clear her entire schedule just for my visit, so I decided to attend class with her. It was very interesting for someone who didn't have to pay thousands of dollars to hear it. The morning class was Commercial Law...something about Tender and Revocation and reliance on express warranty terms. I could tell you more exactly if I bothered to get out my notes because I took notes! Which is more than I can say for some students in there! Then we took a true/false quiz and I got 5 out of 12. I'm a worse lawyer than flipping a coin!

That night brought a quick stop at the local bar, Hank's. I had never heard of Yuengling before this trip, but I guess it's a pretty big deal out in the colonies. IT would be annoying in its ubiquity if it weren't so damn tasty.

Tuesday 16Nov04 - Pezchik went to her morning "Racism is Bad" class while I caught up with Fark. That afternoon we saw the Incredibles in what to my eyes was a very swank theater. There are movie theaters in this world that serve hot wings and calzones in their concession stands! What is this madness?

That evening brought another stop at Hank's, as Pezchik had to work closing. I drank waaaay too much Yuengling, watched too much bad Fox TV, and had a caricature done. Didn't score. The Yuengling distributor gave me a rough estimate of two years before that beer reaches Fargo...and if I'm still in Fargo in two years, I'll need the beer to mask the pain.

Wednesday 17Nov04 - Pezchik blew off her classes to drive me around Camden and Philly looking at traffic patterns and landmarks and stuff. Cheesesteak for lunch at Delassandro's, a delightfully hole-in-the-wall steak-only diner that reminded me of Waffle House. We got to the airport early, but given the traffic we met along the way it was better than being late. Another uneventful flight (do those give me triple miles?) back to Minneapolis and I steeled myself for the final drive to Fargo.

How does Monty steel himself in the Twin Cities? Damn right: White Castle. I arrived at the WC just in time to witness two cop cars and an ambulance pull up to roust a passed-out junkie from a booth. From what little I overheard, they had shooed him out of a restaurant down the street earlier that day, and "he hadn't gotten far, had he?"

Four burgers and a box of fries later, I'm back in Fargo with 40 work-related emails to sort into the "Not My Problem" folder.