Monty and Morgion 076: A Stitch in Rind

30Jan04 (Monthenor): I wonder if Morgion even remembers Frakenbacon. It was a result of my unfortunate choice of bargain bacon. To salvage a decent piece of actual meat, it was necessary to tear off pieces and try to fit them together in some grotesque porcine jigsaw. I like bacon fat, but it was a bit much even for me to handle.

Viewtiful Joe: On Tuesday I was ready to post on the site that Viewtiful Joe was abomination unto the gaming community, but I remembered the kind words spoken from nearly every other critic I trust and gave it another day. By the end of Tuesday I was starting to warm to the concept. When I beat it on Wednesday I fell in love. How could I ever have hated this game?

Well, it's hard. I was unprepared for such a difficult game on the tiny little GameCube. I was comparing it to Rachet and Clank 2 and Jak II, when I should have been comparing it to Shinobi. It hearkens back to a simpler time, when your life energy could be measured in single digits, your enemies were strong and pattern-based, and your powers were just barely enough to see you through. Once I accepted that fact (and used an exploit to gain piles of easy money), the game opened up to me and shew forth its wonders. I started having fun. Then I beat the game, and unlocked Sexy Silvia, and then, and THEN...the super-secret post-credits bonus sealed the deal.

The game is not for everyone, unless Kids difficulty is really as easy as they say. I'm not ashamed to say that I taped my buttons and let the money build up for three hours. I needed every advantage I could get. If I wanted to take the time to buy this game and master every pattern, I probably wouldn't need to 'sploit. Even on my second time through, it's much easier to react to the hell going on around you. I'm not sure how to rate this's controller-throwing horrible for the first couple hours, and enjoyable afterwards because you feel accomplished for making your way forwards.