Monty and Morgion 057: Sensitivity Training

15Aug03 (Monthenor): So yeah, KOTOR is the shizzit. You have the option of playing the game as either a nice Light Side Jedi, a nefarious Sith Lord, or just some random pan-galactic jackass. The game makes it abundantly clear that the most evil path is not always the obvious path, and if you wish to piss off the most people possible sometimes you have to shut your big month. It's one thing to kill the weak to further Force evolution. It's quite another to extort a distraught parent for all their credits, inform them that you killed their child, and then drain their life. The silliest part is that you always get the Light Side dialogue options no matter how Dark you have been. Redemption is always possible, I guess. See if you can pick out the Light Side answers in the comic. Hint: Light Side is for pussies.

I played as a jackass, as seen above. Destroying the world of the fish people is an actual event in the game. One that brought me great joy. Those slimy bastards had it coming, because I said so.

Morgion // 08.15.03 - 13.07

It's been that kind of week. That, and I'm very certain Monty can verbally articulate "EVAR!!1!", so I'm sticking to the theme.

Where to begin… we're going to see Freddy vs. Jason this afternoon. I'm sure it won't be as bad as Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge. Once I determined it was best interpreted as performance art, it was marginally better. Then there was Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare… directed by Rachel Talalay; you may remember her work from Tank Girl. Unfortunately NoES 6 closely resembles the wacky Tank Girl style. Wacky direction + horror plot = mega-suck.

Also in the realm of cinematic mega-suck, Around the World in 80 Days, a reimagining—specifically for Jackie Chan—written in two weeks. How much of a reimagining? Said screenwriter Tim McCanlies, "You kind of throw the book out." Oh, goodie.

Here's a rumor about The Exorcist prequel: the studio doesn't like it. Morgan Creek "expected more head-spinning and projectile vomiting"; Director Paul Schrader "turned in a moody, intimate movie examining faith." *gasp* That sounds simply horrible. Who's going to pay for it if it doesn't have gore, or turkey calls; Gigli knew that's what brings in the cash. </sarcasm> The moral: studio executives are stupid until proven to be merely incompetent.

Now, this plight of a college student, living in the residence halls, dealing with the evils of The Summer-Fall Session Void and a policy-mongering administration. Maybe he's a slacker or a helpless, pathetic, unorganized buffoon; I don't care. The administration is always wrong concerning housing. Always. That's what I learned at college; who says I don't show my Bison pride?

15Aug03 (Monthenor): You're damn right I saw Freddy vs. Jason. It kicked ass. Lots of ass. I was kind of worried after watching all the other Nightmare movies; none of those were very good, with the exception of meta-movie New Nightmare. But Freddy vs. Jason hits all the high points from both characters, and has a lot of fun doing it. Where the 80s used screeching synth music and suspense, where the 90s used mass quantities of cross-cultural virile teens, the new century of horror films seems to use self-deprecating humor as its main theme. It works well here, and I would put this movie on par with Jason X. Definitely see it, even if you wait until video.

My other movie choice today was not so great. I finally went to Spy Kids 3D. It was just as crappy as the others, except this time it was mostly purple and a strain on the eyes. There was a little cameo from Elijah Wood that I'm spoiling because it's really not worth it. The position would have made more sense with either Wil Wheaton or Fred Savage, neither of whom are doing much anyways. No fart jokes, though, so it was at least tolerable. Also, Sylvester Stallone was a hippie.

16Aug03 (Monthenor): The other songs are hit and miss, and I don't really get into techno to begin with, but holy shit you need to go get HI MY NAME IS MP3 right now (it's near the bottom). Inspired.

I think I figured out what was wrong with Spy Kids 3D. It seems like they filmed a 2-2.5 hour movie full of plot, backstory, and exposition, and then cut it down to the most lowbrow 1.5 hours. There appeared to be motivation for the characters to do what they do, but none of it was on screen. Why does The Toymaker want to take over the world? How did he put Gramps in the wheelchair? What exactly was his betrayal? All of this is necessary to elevate this film above the incoherent kiddie dreck it is right now.

Don't mind me, I'm just trying to justify my purchase to myself. I'm thinking about this too much. Lunch time.