-------------------------------------- ICQ History Log For: ******** FilmCousin Started on Sat Jul 12 14:41:52 2003 -------------------------------------- FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:56 PM dude FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:56 PM LXG Monthenor 7/12/03 12:57 PM sucked ass? FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:57 PM yeah. Monthenor 7/12/03 12:57 PM oh yeah FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:57 PM that ending had me laughing so hard... FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:58 PM and I was mentally rewriting the one-liners so they were funnier/making more sense. Monthenor 7/12/03 12:58 PM I was too hurt to laugh. The movie was made of pain. Yes, I was also thinking how much better my script would be. Those bastards. FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:58 PM I mean, I've seen much worse movies, but it was just dull...and confusing.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:59 PM I have a great line for the movie...you know when Dorian stabs Mina to the bed and does the line aboot "Literally nailing" her? Monthenor 7/12/03 12:59 PM Yeah, that was one of the worst FilmCousin 7/12/03 12:59 PM He didn't nail her. not remotely. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:00 PM No kidding. He was much closer to spiking her drink than nailing her, but there would have to be a little blood loss to make that line work. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:00 PM my alternate reality line: "The details of our relationship were always rather...sordid." Like sworded. eh? still bad, but at least it's appropriate. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:02 PM Hey, speaking of ads before movies, the theater we went to had the demon ads that nightmares are made of. It's like "From Justin to Kelly" on speed. http://www.joeboxer.com/promotion_kmart.html You have to see this, it's the top one where the description says "There's more to life than underwear." They actually hired TImbaland to do a song aboot underwear for them...so sad. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:02 PM I don't think they were aiming this movie towards people who could understand homophones. Hell, homophones are probably outlawed in Texas just 'cause they're called homophones FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:03 PM meh. Sordid is a classy one liner. I wann know, if Dorian Gray is so freaking vain, how come he lets himself leave the house wth that pussy looking mustache/soul patch shit? Honestly, simple character development... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:04 PM They were aiming this movie towards people who laughed at my "it's morphing time" comment when the league did their little hands-in-the-center solidarity thing. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:04 PM And Dorian Gray was completely butchered from his Oscar Wilde source material. More so than most of the other chars. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:05 PM good Lord...the first time Hyde changed back, I was laughing a lot...soo bad...puffs of smoke...it was more Hulk like than the actual Hulk movie though, I thought. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:06 PM I don't remember exactly how the transform worked in the book, but Hyde was sadly one of the most faithful recreations. Considering that Tom Sawyer would be around 70 years old in 1899 Monthenor 7/12/03 1:07 PM wow. That Joe Boxer ad was...something... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:07 PM I heard that...I was laughing because isn't Shane West actually British? Or hasn't he done Brit accents in multiple movies before? But he was the sole American here.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:07 PM I DL-d the MP3 of it, and upon closer inspection, the song is about freeballing. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:08 PM consider that the Cliff's notes version of "J2K" Monthenor 7/12/03 1:09 PM The vampiress and the invisible man were pretty much exactly their source material, Hyde (and I guess Moriarty) was close, and I have no idea about Quartermain. But Nemo and Sawyer made me hurt. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:10 PM J says he liked Nemo. But that may just be because it has the word "emo" in it. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:10 PM J says it's cuz he was a "whirling dervish." Monthenor 7/12/03 1:10 PM Heh. I've never read 20000 Leagues, so *maybe* Nemo is actually a Hindu kung-fu swordsman with a 1950's era car. But I doubt it. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:11 PM sadly, the most entertaiing part aboot going to see LXG was seeing that somoen had taken a ladder and changed the marquee to read "Huge Dick" on screen #5...right above "The Italian Job"... But they didn't do "28 Lays Dater" FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:12 PM It was great...I went up to the ticket booth and asked the poor worker "Are you aware that you have a huge dick?" He was soooo confused...I had to explain it a few times. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:13 PM J says "I like that they threw away all pretense for the characters. Maybe if they'd thrown it away more consistently it'd have worked better. I'm the biggest idiot ever." Monthenor 7/12/03 1:14 PM Yeah. They did total bullshit with Sawyer and Gray (coincidentally the two characters added purely for the movie), and then stuck with the Dracula mythos to the letter. And their CG snow was nae Scottish, so it must have been CRAP!! FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:15 PM the whole white tiger out of nowhere thing didn't do it for me and the fact that the witch doctor was so loud and obvious at the end, and no one in the league noticed. I mean, they were like 30 feet away tops. Sawyer was still in shooting range for the Dr. Unless Nemo had a subturranean vehicle too that came and got them.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:17 PM and they did that cheesy ending, horrible upon horrible, and they *didn't* have his hand reach up and grab the gun. They didn't even commit to the crap! They should have gone all out and done the dead hand reach ending, but noooooooooooo...effing tease. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:18 PM but I almost hope for a sequel, just for a zombie COnnery, and because there's no way they could do that without openly revealing their utter contempt for the audience... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:18 PM I kept waiting for the hand too. Maybe they ran out of budget, couldn't keep Connery under dirt that long? FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:21 PM I can see it now: LXG 2: Nothing can kill the Grimace League of Extraordinarier Gentlemen and One Lady LXG2: A League of their own 2 Leagues under the Sea 2 Extraordinary 2 Leagues FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:21 PM and the Moriarty thing really did nothing for me. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:21 PM or for anyone. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:22 PM LXG2: Curiouser and Curiouser. I'd actually go see that one. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:23 PM On the confusing COnnery movie scale, I say it's more ocnfusing than Zardoz, less confusing than "The Avengers" Monthenor 7/12/03 1:24 PM I should really see The Avengers sometime... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:25 PM I don't suppose you've seen this yet: http://static.hugi.is/video/fyndin/dctf-1.wmv FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:25 PM the sequel better feature Huck Finn as a hunky, 30 year old fireman. And Oliver Twist, who has the talent of being sold. And adds to the cheesy parental drama now that Connery is dead like his son. Maybe the Little Women could come...with the power to shrink. And Anne Frank, of course. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:27 PM Of course. But I think doing shit in Wonderland, maybe against a completely insane hot 20-something Alice who usurped the Red Queen, would be awesome. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:28 PM Jane Eyre, who makes people really bored and indecisve. And gets the vapors a lot. And Johnny Tremain, renamed Johnny Deformed.... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:28 PM Ethan Frome and his rocket-powered sled! FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:29 PM they're doing a movie based on American McGee's Alice already...Wes Craven is involved...and I think Milla Jovovovovovovulvabitch. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:29 PM alright, that's cool enough for me. So who will LXG fight if Moriarty is already dead? Will they actually use Fu Manchu, liberals be damned? FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:30 PM The Wright Brothers, who have wacky misadventures while trying to learn to fly. Amelia Bedelia, the cat with a pot on her head, and Ramona! The mouse and or his motorcycle. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:30 PM Can I post this transcript on GerbilMechs? It's really the most comprehensive review I've seen yet, and it's hot shit. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:30 PM Marlowe from Heart of Darkness....Connery loves his Africa too much to let him reign. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:30 PM post whatev you want. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:32 PM If they need more Americans to solve mysteries/fight crimes, though, I nominate the Boxcar children. I'd love to see that fat Benny shit get his ass kicked whilst looking for the missing button or whatever. And of course, more parental drama.... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:33 PM Oh yeah, but I'm not sure the League would employ them as children. They had to age Tom Sawyer, for one thing. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:34 PM good call...but in the sequel, it could be "League of extraordianry gentlemen, one woman, and a few dumpster kids, maybe a dog, and a partridge in a pear tree" League Of Extraordinary GentlePeople League of Extraordinary Boredom FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:35 PM I'm checking spark note sfor villain possibilities The title could be abbrev. as "LXcetera" FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:36 PM Why stop at bastardizing only literary characters? Why not have Agatha Christie as a maswoman commiting murders to assist her in book ideas? Or Jack the Ripper, maybe, but "From Hell" was pretty definitive in the mediocre Ripper movie genre... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:36 PM heheh...they mentioned Jack the Ripper in LXG but didn't have the guts to use him FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:37 PM Nemo could have a time machine...a stylin' one. Or they could recruit Mr. Peabody and Sherman to take them around to widen the literary possibilities.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:37 PM Dude....Grendel from Beowulf.... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:37 PM Frankentstein's monster should be in the League FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:38 PM The savage amazon chick from "island of the Blue Dolphins"...isolation means she doesn't speak a word on English, or any language...but she'd be a sexy berserker with wild dog sidekicks.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:39 PM Dude, villain for LXG2: Ebeneezer Scrooge tries to steal Christmas! Maybe with the Grinch, but that's optional. If not the Grinch, at least the Grinch's dog, Max.... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:41 PM Oooo, Scrooge trying to corner the world market on something, that could be fun. But I think any sequel will stick with the "we hate germans" theme FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:41 PM Holden Caulfield as a manic depressive anarchist? George and Lenny from "Of Mice and Men" as bad guys...George is the brains of the operation, making Lenny do his bidding by luring him around with bunnies...in the end Lenny turns on George and pets him to death. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:42 PM this is starting to make my head hurt. And sadly, any of these ideas would be cooler than what they actually made. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:42 PM lots of dramatic scenes where the see a bunny hop in the room and they're like, "oh no...run!" cuz rabbit = Lenny. Rabbits as the harbingers of death, warning signs...classic. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:43 PM Dude, Dr. Faustus...they'd battle demons, the Dr. and their own temptation and fears....inner demons, literal demons.... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:43 PM Sweet. Or the Masque of the Red Death, that would be good stuff. Steampunk viral warfare... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:43 PM Don Quixote with his killer, razor sharp chopping windmills...... Like miniature golf, but really big and with more blood. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:44 PM Masque of the red Death as a rave type thing, taking bad ecstasy...classic, but too mod. BTW, why was the big gathering of leaders in Venice a costume ball in the streets? Monthenor 7/12/03 1:45 PM Well, see, that wasn't actually the conference. This supposed conference was never shown on screen, or even referenced again. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:45 PM No time to stay and protect the conference when you're chasing the badguys around the world, right? FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:46 PM oh...the whole Venice thing didn't quite click with me...what exactly happened? I mean, they just ran off as soon as they got there.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:46 PM Maybe instead of Nemo, their new navigator/chauffer could be the eternally ditzy Daisy from "Great gatsby"...she could use Vodka like Hyde serum. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:47 PM Daisy has quite the body count under her belt already. And she can Charleston like nobody's biz. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:47 PM They could fight insane Okies from the Grapes of Wrath that want to (flood the world/turn the world into a giant desert) FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:48 PM NIce...hicks are always good...wasn't Deliverance a book? And this isn't as well known, but Henrik Ibsen did a play called Hedda Gabler...Hedda would be a great member. Monthenor 7/12/03 1:48 PM I've heard the name before, but I don't know what she does... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:49 PM See, she married an archaeologist, then had an affari with an old flame, and drove him to suicide just to be dramatic and entertain herself...then the suicide wasn't done right for her standards, so she killed herself in the right way just to be dramatic and wild. She's a vixen. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:50 PM And her name is Hedda! Puns so obvious even the LXG screenwriters couldn't miss 'em! FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:50 PM but she also lived out in the wilds of Africa w/her archaeologist husband, so meeting her down there could totally work, along w/Marlowe.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:51 PM Let's see, what else happened in Africa..... AIDS? The Gods must be crazy? Monthenor 7/12/03 1:51 PM Out of Africa, but I think that's out of the steampunk era... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:51 PM Things Fall Apart Monthenor 7/12/03 1:51 PM Hell, have Huck Finn showing up and returning Jim to his native Africa. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:52 PM nice...might as well. just show up on a raft at one point, kinda lost,a nd just join up for the frick of it. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:53 PM They took the Mississippi, went out through the gulf, and during the long time lost at sea, Huck somehow became a sexy 30 year old fireman...yeah, that's the ticket.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:54 PM They could have an incidental run in with the Hunchback at Notre Dame...Except they'll reduce his deformity to appeal to the ladies...he won't be crippled, just cripplingly shy. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:55 PM Atticus Finch, played by the late Gregory Peck through the miracle of CGI. Defender of justice and Africa, since he loves black people... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:56 PM No kidding. I still want to work more Alice in Wonderland stuff in, if possible, but maybe that could be in the third movie FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:57 PM For the record, my new response to threats is "Africa won't let me die." Do you really think they'll have a Connery zombie, or will they puss out and have him be normal and not rotting.... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:58 PM I don't think he'll be rotting. He got raised pretty quick, right? And they'd have kept him on ice. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:58 PM If Scrooge wants to steal Christmas, he could team up with the white witch from "The Lion the witch and the wardrobe"...until Aslan saves the day.... Allows for more fake snow and senseless fur fashion faux pas. FilmCousin 7/12/03 1:59 PM And Aslan could be the white tiger now, instead of the lion, so the first movie would make a lil more sense in retrospect... Monthenor 7/12/03 1:59 PM And would continue the proud tradition of screwing up characters that seem hard to screw up FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:00 PM Exactlly. Almost any Poe could work, timeline wise. I mean, the dude from the Raven, the due from the black cat, the dude from...hey, did none of his stories ever have names? Monthenor 7/12/03 2:01 PM Well, there was the Masque, and the people in Usher had names. Hey, zombie Lenore could be zombie Quartermain's love interest!! FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:01 PM They could work in "Mrs. Dalloway" for oscar cred...just have Nicole Kidman show up and give the one liner "Who's afraid of...*head tilt*.......me?" FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:03 PM she could the villain, I mean, she was crazy, right? Monthenor 7/12/03 2:03 PM I don't remember Mrs Dalloway. But crazy chicks make good villains FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:04 PM Pygmalion's Eliza Doolittle reinvented as a master (mistress?) of diguise. No, not really Dalloway. Dalloway was what "The Hours" was based on. Kidman would be Virginia Woolf, hence the horrible one liner....try and keep up. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:05 PM Eliza Doolittle would be played by Dana Carvey, of course. Monthenor 7/12/03 2:05 PM Okay, okay...keeping up now. And Dana Carvey must not come near these movies FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:05 PM The villain could be the guy from the Secret Garden...the emotionally distant father figure. The conflict would be that the League wants to play ing the garden, use it as a new headquarters, but he's all like "no." FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:06 PM COuld they have Jonathon Livingston Seagull as a spy/carrier pigeon? Please? FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:07 PM The villain could be Pearl, the bastard child from "The Scarlet Letter". Cuz she's the devil you know....And I guess they could give a pity role to Demi Moore, reprising the excellent portrayal of Hester Prynne she became famous for.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:08 PM Guy Pearce shows up in a time machine and the league all hides in the cover of his sunken cheekbones. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:09 PM You know what would have been a better ending to LXG? Monthenor 7/12/03 2:10 PM Anything? FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:11 PM Well, yeah. but no. After Sean gets all mojoed out, zoom out to a kid who fell asleep in English class. And he's all like, "what a sucky nightmare." The end. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:12 PM Just like how at the end of the D&D movie, when they all evolved into beings of pure energy, it should have zoomed out to a bunch of D&D players who're all nerdy and gross and they're like "Wow, good game. See you tomorrow" and they all leave and the movie just stops. Monthenor 7/12/03 2:13 PM Yeah, that would be cool. Would have almost saved D&D FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:14 PM Nothing would have saved D&D. The dwarf was 6d6 foot plus! And the body armor with the indented navel...puh-lease! FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:17 PM I think my literary lack of knowledge is spent. But I'm telling you, give me the franchise...I'll refuse to read the comic or any of the books that inspired it, and still come out with something more watchable. Monthenor 7/12/03 2:17 PM oh yeah. Part of my problem was that I looked up cliff's notes for Dorian Gray beforehand, so I know kinda how much they screwed up FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:18 PM oh...see, I actually knew of Dorian Gray, which is more than most people prolly did, but I would have sworn that just looking at the pic wouldn't kill him...I mean, I thought he saw it all the time and it drove him mad so he destroyed it, and that's what killed him...? FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:19 PM so I was expecting Mina to stab the pic, not just remove the tarp...as far as heroic acts go, ripping off a sheet is kinda low end of the scale. Monthenor 7/12/03 2:20 PM Yeah. There was really no reason to change the pic's powers like that. Stabbing the picture would have worked just as well for their crack CG effects team FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:20 PM Their crack CG effects were better than, say...Harry Potter....well, except for the fact that they can't figure snow correctly... FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:21 PM Their invisible man didn't do much for me, but at least they occasioanlly acknowledged the absurdity of his nudity,..the man must be a walking callous. And why wasn't Eddie Izzard involved with this project? Monthenor 7/12/03 2:23 PM because he has taste? FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:23 PM why is it that evry time they went to a new location, not only did they say where they were going right before the subtitle popped up, but they felt the need to keep saying it's 1899 over and over again? J wants to know what the "20th Century Fox" building in 1899 London is being used for. cuz it looked abandoned... FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:23 PM much like the Fox studios after the release of this movie. abandoned. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:24 PM Hey, Eddie Izzard was in "The Avengers"....maybe he learned his lesson aboot ponderous Connery vehicles... Monthenor 7/12/03 2:24 PM I want to know why Nemo had not only an internal combustion engine, but a steering wheel when the first cars used a rudder device. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:25 PM Brain Fart...I don't know who wrote it, but there's this story called "Rappucini's Daughter" about a spooky girl who's half plant, and poisonous. So it's kind of like Goosebumps #2 "Stay out of the basement". So Uma THurman could redo the Poison Ivy bit, and reunite with Connery. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:25 PM why did they establish that Nemo worships death and then just leave it at that? It's not like he's the one who's doing all the zombie makin'... Monthenor 7/12/03 2:26 PM no kidding. Kali alone doesn't explain how he kills a factory full of machinegunners. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:27 PM Ok, we've been talking about this for an hour and a half....what a ponderous movie.... FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:28 PM J says he killed the factory full of gunners cuz "he rocked ass." J says he's desperately latching onto the Nemo character cuz he needs something to identify with, to hold the movie (and his sanity) together. Poor guy. I think I'll make him watch D&D tonight. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:30 PM It's like, everytime the movie came close to making sense, they had huge leaps of logic to throw us off the trail. I mean, Venice sums it up for me. That whole scenario was nuts. They needed to find a bomb, and somehow they managed to miss all 20 million of 'em scattered all over town. I mean, they couldn't not find a bomb. They were in a sub, and they saw NONE of the underwater bombs. Not to mention they all make a big deal about Jekkyl not riding in the car, yet they all bail before the end of the trip. Monthenor 7/12/03 2:31 PM Or the teensy problem that one of the people I went with has actually BEEN to Venice, and there is no canal big enough for a Nautilus to fit through, let alone get to the city center FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:32 PM Duly noted. the logistics of that sub...wow. And they got so far into the city, then arbitrarily decide there's a point where they can't go on... I actually kinda liked Hyde, but the whole CG mirror alter ego was needless. It should have been head voices, Jan Brady style, all the way. FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:34 PM Why did Tom have to drive a car into a house again? TO send of a flare? Cuz there's no way he would have survived that crash, let alone run away from it, or escape the explosion. That crash made every cheesy inescapable car crash in every action movie ever seem justifiable by comparison. Monthenor 7/12/03 2:34 PM Hyde was done pretty well. But the Sub made me cringe, with its super-non-aerodynamic hindu hood ornaments FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:36 PM Our conversation aboot this has been lengthy, random, and ponderous...much like the movie that inspired it. The circle of life... FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:36 PM Another Africa tie-in, btw.... Monthenor 7/12/03 2:36 PM *twitch* FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:39 PM For the record, I'm *still* waiting to be impressed, Mr. Connery... FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:43 PM http://www.flickfilosopher.com/flickfilos/archive/2003/leaguegentlemen.shtml FilmCousin 7/12/03 2:47 PM g2g...this has been swell and all, but I can feel my life slowly slipping away from me the more time I devote to LXG...It's like I'm Dorian gray, looking at a portrait of myself, but just peripherally, so it's going away slowly...A B C-ya